The truth about the chūnin exams
by Pixychick84
Summary: In witch Orochimaru shows his true colors. Sasuke gets a hickey. Sakura is a some what logical fan girl, and Naruto pokes things... And Kakashi, well Kakashi is just plain confused.


In witch Orochimaru shows his true colors. Sasuke gets a hickey. Sakura is a some what logical fan girl, and Naruto pokes things...

Sasuke could not move, he was frozen, crippled with fear. The strange snake man/woman was coming at him, he had to move, but-! After sudden inspiration struck he stabbed himself with a Kunai, the pain enabling him to free himself form his state of paralysis.

Alas, after much fighting it would appear it was all for naught as the snake man/woman finally got him where he wanted him. This was the end unless-! But he/she advanced on him and Sasuke prepared for the worse- What the-!?  
"Did you... Just give me a hickey!?"

"What!? No child its a- "

"Oh my gosh he did! It's glowing and everything, he gave you a weird hickey!" Screeched Naruto

"-CURSE SEAL! It's a CURSE seal, and you will-"

"OH MY GOSH SASUKE-KUN NOOOOOOO!" Sakura wailed. "I know these are the chūnin exams and death can be a part of them, but Sexual harassment!? Were Thirteen! That's pedophilia old man!...Woman?"

"Child I do not find you attractive! I-"

"No, cause you find him attractive! Geez teme, you're fan base no's no bounds!"

"AGGGGGHHHH! DAMMIT DOBE SHOT UP! I'M IN PAIN HERE!" Sasuke gritted out.

"NOOO! SASUKE-KUN! Let me see! I have some balm here."

"Ugghhhaa- thanks Sakura."

Orochimaru sight. This was NOT going as planned. "Children Listen up. That Curse seal- "

"HICKEY!"

"-Hickey Curse seal ( are you happy now!?) is going to link Sasuke to me.-"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" three voices chorused.

"Silence! He will come seek me out eventually-"

Sasuke turned green. "I think I'm gonna be sick!"

"-For POWER! POWER! I can grant him the power he desires to defeat Itachi Uchiha. At a price of coerce."

The now sought after genin covered his ears."STOP! STOP! I don't wanna know!"

"Whatever happened to offering candy?"

"SERIOUSLY NARUTO!? _That's_ what you think of at a time like this!?" Sakura shouted.

"...I think Sasuke passed out..."

Orochimaru exhaled slowly as he rubbed his temples. He felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on.

With a few choked noises and a very disturbing visual of him regurgitating, Orochimaru chuckled the previously swallowed scroll at them. He was going to make this more fun but now... He just wanted a good bath, some nice clean clothes and a comforting day of planning more experiments to forget all about this. Screw it! He deserved it at this stage! What were henchmen for after all!? Kabuto and his manly ass should still be around to keep an eye on things any way..

EWWWWWW! What the hell!?" The blonds vocabulary was unimpressive and vaguely Orochimaru wondered if he new any other, descriptive words asides form 'hell', 'bastard', 'teme' and of coerce, 'hickey'.

"Take that. I need a break." And with that, the snake sannin disappeared leaving some very disgusted and disturbed genin in his wake.

"Naruto quick we need to get him back to Kakashi-Sensei and- DON'T POKE IT!"

"But Sakura-Chan... It's glowing!..."

"Do you really want to touch his hickey?-where that weird snake man had his mouth!? His saliva is still probably all over..-"  
Naruto made a face and quickly wiped his hand on his unconscious team mates shirt front.

Subsequently When Hatake Kakashi was finally summoned to his little chūnin hopefuls he did not know what to make of there excited bableling. He scratched the back of his head as Naruto animatedly wave his hands about the place yelling about Silva, glowing and... magical Hickey's? Maybe Iruka-Sensei was right. Perhaps he should not leave them unattended with his perspicuous icha icha books any more...

So I was watching old Naruto episodes with a friend and my friends, friend ( who had never seen the series/or anime before ) and we were watching the forest of death episode and the first thing out of her friends mouth, after discovering this wonderful new world of animation was...

"Did he just give him a magical hickey!?" Now we all know this is not a new idea (Credit to any one who has also had this Idea to! funny stuff!) Nor the fact that Orochimaru is a pedophile/ mistaken for one (also not new). But I couldn't stop laughing at everything he said after hearing that just started sounding like one big twisted innuendo and I couldn't help but share it with you all! Hope you enjoy! Review and let me know if it made you giggle!


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